I talk during movies.

Yep, I admit it. I’m one of those people you hate. I’m the one AMC Theaters is talking to when they play that little PSA announcement after the previews:

Please don’t spoil the movie by adding your own soundtrack.

I laugh at that every time.

Oh, I remember well that episode of Firefly, Our Mrs. Reynolds, when Book said,

If you take sexual advantage of her, you’re going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater.

I whole-heartedly agree with him. But Book was talking about live theater, an entirely different experience altogether. Talking could very well disrupt the actors and ruin the show for everyone. Movie actors can’t hear us.

Now, I’m not an excessive talker. I’m not overly loud. I’ve never been hushed before. Well, maybe once, but it was teenage boys in Snakes on a Plane, and me and two of my friends were the only other people in the theater. I was not about to be quiet. I have worked at a movie theater before, so I know exactly how satisfying it can be to kick someone out who deserves it, but I’m not talking about those airheads who can’t stop talking on their cell phones. I’m talking about enhancing the movie experience.

Deep down I think most people want to talk during movies. That rare occasion of walking into an empty theater is one of the most thrilling moments a movie-goer can experience, because you know you can talk as loud as you want and no one is going to tell you to stop or try and kick you out of the theater. Twenty years ago it may have been rare to have an entire room full of movie-talkers, but these days, as long as it isn’t too disruptive, most people are going to turn to each other at some point during their film and talk.

I blame MST.

Mystery Science Theater 3000 began in 1988, filmed throughout its run in the great Minneapolis/St. Paul area that continued for an impressive eleven seasons. That location has particular sentiment for me as I am a native Minnesotan, and it still makes me smile when I watch an old episode of the show and see the address for fan mail listed in Hopkins.

For those rare few who may not know the cult classic television show Mystery Science Theater 3000 (also known as MST3K or MST), it was a comedic series made almost specifically for movie-talkers. In fact, it encouraged movie-talking and built its entire series around that idea.

The premise of MST is that janitor Joel, host and creator of the show, gets stranded on a space station, the Satellite of Love, by evil scientists who force him to watch sci fi/horror B-movies so they can monitor his reactions. Joel is accompanied by his robot friends, Crow T. Robot and Tom Servo, both who aid him in critiquing the horrible movies they watch, and the robots Gypsy and Cambot.

Over the years, there were several variations in the robot voices, in the villains, and even in the host, as Joel eventually left to be replaced by Mike Nelson who was then subjected to the same awful experiments of watching bad movies.

The point of all this, of course, was to make fun of the movies they were forced to watch, marking the MST characters as the first truly accepted, and successful, movie-talkers.

The trademarked ‘Shadowrama’ silhouette of Joel or Mike with Tom Servo and Crow at the bottom of a movie screen has become a familiar and beloved symbol in pop culture.

MST can be considered a public service as it made really bad movies…well, not good but so much more fun to watch. Overdrawn at the Memory Bank should be all I need to say as example (still love you, Raul Julia).

With eleven season worth of episodes, many bad movies were mocked, and it is easy to find top ten lists of what fans consider the best episodes of MST. I am going to briefly give you my top five.

5. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

Santa Claus is kidnapped by Martians in the hopes of teaching the aliens’ children how to be children. It was the 60s. Go with it.

4. Gamera

Instead of Godzilla attacking Japan, it’s a giant turtle. Yep.

3. Mitchell

If Naked Gun tried to be serious. And failed.

2. Manos Hands of Fate

No really, this is the worst attempt at creating a horror cult classic. Even the villainous characters from MST apologized for making Mike and the robots watch it.

1. Space Mutiny

With blatantly stolen footage from the original Battlestar Galactica, Canadians attempt to create their own space opera.

Since Space Mutiny is my favorite, and what I consider to be the absolute best of all things MST, here is a clip of Mike and the robots spouting the many nicknames they come up with for the linebacker-looking lead character.

Obviously, this goes a little beyond whispering to your neighbor, “Oh, I get it now,” “Who is he again?”, “I think I saw her in…”, or “What should we do after the movie?” This is interaction with the film. In a crowded theater it may not be the best idea to do this loudly, but that doesn’t stop my husband from, say, leaning over during The Dark Knight to start humming the old Batman theme song in my ear.

I don’t need empirical evidence to know that that darling man of mine was directly influenced by growing up with MST. That’s just fact. If you know a movie-talker, or are one, who did not watch the show, it is still arguably one of the reasons that movie-talking is more acceptable today, because if done correctly it can make any movie experience better.

Although the show has been off the air for many years now, the next generation of MST is thriving, coming to us in the form of downloadable content and DVDs you can buy online. Mike Nelson and some familiar voices from MST run RiffTrax that allows you to download separate tracks of them making fun of a slew of movies that were not before seen on the show, including many newer films. Joel Hodgson and a number of other familiar voices from MST run Cinematic Titanic, a similar endeavor, but they critique films closer to that of the original show.

Both are spectacular and worth checking out, especially since you can download a RiffTrack and play it from your iPod for less than 3 bucks.

But that’s not all. Cinematic Titanic has become a traveling troupe, to some extent, and RiffTrax recently did a live performance through AMC Theaters of the movie Plan 9 from Outer Space. Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy, and Bill Corbett, all former cast members of MST, riffed the movie live out to all AMC Theaters on Thursday, August 20th for $12.50 a ticket.

My husband and I missed it.

We were so disappointed, because we got there just in time to grab rush tickets, but the supposed 25 remaining seats were a lie. Clearly, some people had bought $5 tickets for other movies and then snuck in.

We ended up going to The Proposal with Ryan Reynolds instead, which was a very funny movie, but we are lesser people now for having missed that golden opportunity to be a part of a massive, live MST experience. Hopefully, another chance will come soon.

In the meantime, we have our favorite episodes of MST, our RiffTrax collection that continues to grow, and we frequent the Cinematic Titanic site as well.

Of course, nothing quite beats our own personal MST-ing that we can’t help doing every time we watch a film. It’s in our blood, we really can’t help ourselves.

And, even if you don’t agree with me on this, once in a while, that one phrase that makes your partner or your friends laugh so hard that all of you miss the next scene is worth the occasional glare you might get from the other people in the theater.

So talk on, folks. Like the RiffTrax guys say,

Some movies have it coming.

~G³

I am very excited about Monday, because in honor of the series premier next Thursday I am going to be talking about my favorite TV show Supernatural. Join me next time for “Why Supernatural is the Most Underrated Show on TV,” even if it is on The CW.

Thanks for tuning in.

Images taken from:
http://www.gorillawire.com/?p=2607
http://www.justpressplay.net/movies/tv/4202-20th-anniversary-mystery-science-theater-3000-box-set-hits-stores.html
http://www.wrightonfilm.com/
http://www.mst3kinfo.com/history/index.html
http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,20235027,00.html
http://blog.newsok.com/bamsblog/2008/10/30/follow-up-cinematic-titanic-christmas-dvd/

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